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Boy...?I used to wear dresses and play with dolls,
While wishing I was playing in the mud.
I used to go shopping and wear lots of pink,
While wondering what boxers would feel like.
Now I know what I am, I don't question for a second.
But everyone else,
What do they see?
I look like a boy through and through,
Everyone calls me a he at first.
Then I talk to them.
My voice is high.
They notice something is up.
And they apologize.
And I die a little inside.
"May I go to my locker?"
"Yes, ma'am, you may."
Can't you see that I'm a boy, are you blind?
My full name... What boy is named that?
Mother, why? Why label me this?
There's a boy
FtM MindBlown: AwkwardFtM MindBlown: Awkward

There are many Awkward moments that come with being an FtM. Like when you come out to some one and they just look at you, there jaw hanging open, but no words coming you. Thats Awkward. Or when your walking down the street and some one just stairs at you for a good ten minutes trying to figure out weather your male or female. Thats a little Awkward as well. But you know whats really Awkward?

Bathrooms...

Every single day at school I walk past the boy's washroom to get to the girl's one. It's almost painful to open that door and step inside. It feels so odd and wrong. But the Awkward part comes when you see a bunch of
FtM MindBlown: Dear MomFtM MindBlown: Dear Mom

Dear Mom.

I love you. You are my mother and you always will be. But Mom, I will not always be your daughter. I know you know this. You do. And it hurts so much when you say things like: "I feel like my daugher is dying, and I hate my son." It hurts me so much when you say: "God, I wish you where Preggo or on drugs." It hurts. God every time you call me pretty or by the name 'Megan.' It hurts. Its painful that I cant be me around the people I love.

I just want to be Me.

Your Son.
Your handsome little man.
Your Griffin.

I try and be strong for you. You tell me I am cold hearted because I dont show any emotion. But
MY HappinessWhy should MY happiness be

Wrong
Illegal
Disgusting
Sinful

just because YOU don't agree with it?
Hollow HugsDon't tell me I'm special,

Unless you mean it.

Don't whisper you love me,

Until you can scream it.

Don't make me feel happy,

And then throw me away.

Don't tell me you hate me,

Because I am gay.

Don't call me unnatural,

An abomination of God.

It's your hate, your anger,

You, that is odd.

I like boys,

And I love men,

Because I am gay;

I've always been.
Her.the silence is deafening and
the world on my shoulders grows heavy
and my back grows weak,
as your eyes narrow,
and your lips part
like poisonous flower petals
shooting pain through my body, and
digging the needle deeper into
deteriorating muscle, and
broken bones
with every word you say.
"i never wanted a son"

my foundation cracks
with imperceptible flaws, and
the earth i thought was stable
crumbles
under a broken spirit.
my broken shell
while this heart is aching
is bound to the wrong body,
in the wrong place
at the wrong time.
"why do you insist on hurting me?"

you tell me to be ashamed
to hide it
nobody needs to k
How to Know if You're TransI see these questions sometimes, about "how can you be sure you're trans?" I see the sentiment often in articles that claim to "question" transsexuality, from well-meaning but pain-in-the-ass bystanders, and so on.  A lot of it gives me a migraine the size of a T-Rex behind my right eye, so I thought I might help clear up some of the confusion.

There is only one way to "know" you're trans.  And that's because you feel you are.  Does this answer seem vague to you?  It should, because it is.  As much as others would like to tell you otherwise, there is no "test" for being trans.  Ther
Hushbe quiet
settle down
don't you dare make a sound
hush hush

close your eyes
close your mind
no one ever has the time
hush hush

dry your eyes
fake a smile
poker face cause your on trial
hush hush

hide the cuts
cover scars
wish on every single star
hush hush

bite your tongue
clench your fists
no on needs to know your wish
hush hush

bind your chest
pack your jeans
smile when you make a scene
 don't hush
I am.Ever since I was small,
I knew I was different.
Not like the others.
I was scared and alone,
but just lived through it.

I grew up,
and knew things were going to change.
We were not just children anymore,
we were boys and girls.

I didn't want to hurt people,
not wanting them to carry my problems.
I could do it alone,
fought through all of it alone.

I could scream,
I could yell,
I could fight,
I could be angry.
But I kept silent,
everything was wrong.

Things aren't the way they were before,
I'm not a little child anymore.
I've learned about life.

About the good things,
the bad things.
The sad things,
and the happy thing
He isn't Her eOver the dead lake and through its mist
there's a girl you thought was me.
I punched her off a cliff and leapt after her
and hit her again as her cheek grew blotched and bloody.
We fell under the water
and I pushed her head down, down,
then I pulled her up again
And dragged her to the beach because I couldn't bear to see her drown.
Her hair tangled with the seaweed
and sand coated cheeks purple and pale
And as her breath flew out in shudders of palpillating viscuosities,
The world was less gray.
Dear girl, I never meant to hurt you, but you were draining my life away.
And I know they love you,
they love their make-believe girl a
I will never know, but I wouldTRANSMEN

I will never know how painful it is to get caught in my zipper. I would take the chance, if it meant I had a penis and I could pee standing up
.
I will never know how embarrassing it is to get an erection in public. I would happily hide my visible arousal, if it meant I could get an erection.

I will never know the disgust of having to go to the doctor for a prostate exam. I would go and get an exam every week, if it meant I had a prostate.

I will never know the agony of being kicked in the balls. I wouldn't curse or scream about it, if it meant I had balls that could be injured.

I will never need to use a condom for the reason
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I am a boy

:iconhavenot95:

I am a boy

I am a boy who goes out in a black trench coat and fedora with bright orange sandals to complete the outfit

I am a boy who will trek in -40 to the library just because his friends are online and he wants to chat

I am a boy who will cook dinner for the whole family, all 8 of us whenever he gets the chance

I am a boy who will respond to texts he gets from friends even if it's 1am and on the verge of sleep.

I am a boy who if his friends need to talk he'll wake himself up and go downstairs to get coffee

I am a boy who will help you out in math class if you don't understand the material

I am a boy who will not stand down in a fight

I am a boy who refuses to hit girls, no matter what they call him

I am a boy who will talk you down if you are being a whiny asshole

I am a boy who will defend you if the other person is wrong

I am a boy who is a writer but still can't spell the word minit (minute) without spell check

I am a boy who will stay in and read manga or watch Star Trek instead of going out at night

I am a boy who loves his brothers and misses them when they are away, even if he'll never admit it to them

I am a boy who still wears black nail polish, even if people think it looks stupid

I am a boy who will wear a short skirt with fishnets during a performance but never a dress

I am a boy called by the wrong name by his parents, siblings and teachers

I am a boy with labels such as "miss" and "her"

I am a boy in a girls body

But I am not a girl

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:iconhavenot95:

I am a boyby ~Havenot95

DescriptionDetailsShare
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This prose is Hetty Bobcat approved :iconhettybobcat:

I am a boy heart and soul, even if my body disagrees. This is a little glimpse of my life, my personality and what I do.
©2011-2013 ~Havenot95
Category: Literature / Prose / Non-Fiction / Emotional

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Submitted on
April 7, 2011
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:iconhatfoxproductions:
*HatFoxProductions Nov 15, 2011  Student Traditional Artist
Yes. I agree wholeheartedly.
Reply
:icondraculaii:
~Draculaii Oct 12, 2011  Hobbyist General Artist
Why don't you live in my town.
Why.
Because, I mean, you should.

You sound like such an awesome person. XD
Reply
:iconhavenot95:
~Havenot95 Oct 13, 2011  Student Writer
:D I am an awesome person :iconyayprussiaplz:
Reply
:icondraculaii:
~Draculaii Oct 13, 2011  Hobbyist General Artist
Yay! :la:
Reply
:icontoxikbiscream:
~ToxikBIscream Aug 24, 2011
gah you seem like such an awesome, wonderful person :D
this is such a beautiful work, too :) very well written, the layout is nice as well :) (honestly, I truly thought you were a boy till I got to the last part. then again, you are :) ) <3
Reply
:iconhavenot95:
~Havenot95 Aug 25, 2011  Student Writer
True, I am amazing XD But it is awesome readers like you that give me my confidence
Reply
:icongodtierawesome:
~godtierAwesome Aug 22, 2011  Hobbyist General Artist
it would be so awsome to meet someone like you~!!!
Reply
:iconhavenot95:
~Havenot95 Aug 23, 2011  Student Writer
You can send me a letter if you like, I'll write back. I can note you my mailing adress
Reply
:icongodtierawesome:
~godtierAwesome Aug 23, 2011  Hobbyist General Artist
uwah!!! really? but idk if my parents would allow it... TT.TT
Reply
:iconhavenot95:
~Havenot95 Aug 23, 2011  Student Writer
Dude, it's just a letter. What harm can a letter do?
Reply
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